Did you know we're all going to run out of energy by 2012? I'm pretty sure that there's no doubt about the end of the world with hardcore evidence like that. Some guy wrote it in a book. Book form evidence is always the most solid evidence. And see how many times I've used the word "evidence" in this paragraph alone? Try and cover that up government. Did you know that we're entirely guaranteed to run out of oil by the year 2012? There's a finite amount of oil on Earth, and they used math to prove that so you can't deny it. Without oil we'll be absolutely out of energy and all forced to live in caves and eat Woolly Mammoth like our ancestors. Don't tell me about nuclear, wind, and water power, THOSE DON'T EXIST. They're totally not there. So when that happens we're all back to the Stone Age and then BOOM, it's the apocalypse!
I can propose a way to save you all though: once the Reckoning gets here, I want all physically attractive ladies to make their way to my house for as long as it takes the end of the world to go by. Could be a while, remember that we may have to shower in groups to save water. I want the rest of you to make yourselves useful by leaving your things on my lawn. Unless they're not worth anything in which case don't leave your crap anywhere near my property. Then go home and don't come out for a good year or so. Remember that after the apocalypse you'll be able to live without food since everything you see as reality will actually be an illusion created by some sort of dimensional thing. You're strong enough to resist it! Resist and see the glorious reward that humanity has been promised this entire time! I, in the meantime, will make due. So, you know, don't worry. Go now! Live your life as if nothing were wrong! Until the date. Remember to post about this on the Internet all the time though, that's important.